19 December, 2013

A Christmas Story

I was surfing the Internet when I came across this short story, and I feel that it ought to be shared.

I've just laughed my socks off: An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

- story by anonymous

08 December, 2013


Currently addicted to this drink.
I am currently addicted to a few things, such as:-
1) My laptop
2) Facebook
3) Maple Story
4) Bundaberg Root Beer
5) Starbucks
6) Bundaberg Lemon Lime & Bitters and
7) FOOD.

As much as I hate to admit this, this has got to stop. But when, and how should I accomplish this?

04 December, 2013

The Reason of Keeping a Person Alive

I can never understand how keeping a person alive matters so much to everybody, when they failed to let that person be happy. I can also never understand why married couple want to have children when they successfully failed to carry out their duties in protecting their children, who are dangerously vulnerable especially when they're young, and to nurture them with care, affection, and the principles of life. In the end, without even being cynical, the answer is pretty obvious; everybody doesn't want to be left alone, especially in the state of sadness. Everyone takes things for granted, and few could comprehend the idea of being isolated, yet everybody don't want to be alone, because they ARE afraid of being alone. It's especially hard for me to congratulate someone for having to become parents to their newborn child, and I find it unforgivable when they ever isolate their kids wherever they go.

28 November, 2013

It's All Over

This should be in his possession right now, but he didn't have it because of me.
At last, all the torments will be gone forever. The future is vast, but vague. There's so many for me to discover, so many things to understand. Now, I'm just tired.

Do my previous efforts count to secure my destiny, my fate? I won't know, will I.


"... ... you've disappeared, like everything else. But who else can I talk to? ...I'm lost, Alice. When you left -- and he left -- you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."
 - Note to Alice Cullen, from Bella Swan, Twilight Saga: New Moon

Yesterday was the last day that he and I shall ever meet in school. From now on, I'll be more alone. I never thought I'll miss school this badly, mainly it's because I'm used to be in the same class with him, and we would talk, laugh and be sad together every day at school. We are not in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship, but we are partners; we are inseparable, at least till the end of our school day at the same school.

I never missed a friend so much in my real life, I did miss a boy friend before but it wasn't as close as this one; those times we weren't even having any sort of physical contact with one another, and I didn't even meet the guy before, except in this virtual world; the Internet, in our avatar forms. But this one, is different. This is real. It is actually happening for real.

I thought of saying that I hope he'll miss me as much as I miss him, and that I mean so much to him, but I didn't want to be too greedy and expectant of him. Alas, I hope he never forgets me, who has/had been a friend of his, with whom he shared a journey with through one of the toughest moments of both of our lives.

May our friendship last forever.

26 November, 2013

Trust No One

We've known each other for 5 or 8 years, yet you still have the tendency of lying to me. Lana was right. We should not trust anyone. And I was wrong to trust you in the first place.

The Opposite Sex || Trust Issues


I just have had a nice conversation with a guy friend of mine a couple of hours ago. What seemed to be a dull and lacklustre discussion turned out to be one of the best and unforgettable interaction with an actual friend in real life; someone that I've known for about a year, but it has been the year that bonded us closer and closer, from practically strangers to real good and sometimes awkward friends.

It has been a long time since I have actually have a long, nice chat with someone casually, or maybe I never talked to anyone like this before but I thought that I did. I thought I was actually getting socialised with people in general, and nothing will make me feel more relieved and happy than to think that I can do the same thing as others did.

Sometimes I think the two of us could share a better friendship, be a better friend for each other if we talked to each other more often, consoled one another, and laughed together whenever the situation is appropriate. I wonder if he thinks about the same thing too. And if he doesn't, it'll then be a dream that is shared with nobody, not even him, but to be kept with myself.

24 November, 2013

Work and Cat

Work for the best, and cats could be my favourite pets.

Now I wish I can sit down in a sunny and dry afternoon, sipping green tea latte or frappuccino from an elegant tea cup while looking out and enjoying the sounds of bird chirping and wind rustling through leaves. After that I could walk towards a little town nearby and do some grocery shopping by myself. I would wear as ladylike as possible, with a simple shirt and skirts while carrying a handbag, and I would be squinting through my lidded eyes because of the blazing sunlight, seeing my mascara-ed lashes.

At home, my cat keeps me company. It greeted me at the front doors, and it would call up to me for a hug. We stayed on my bed during the night, and I would be reading a classical story while brushing my cat's fur. I wouldn't mind being told to adapt to this and make it as a daily life routine, if only life could be this simple and worry-free.

Feel the Anger: Speak for All Eternity

Picture by me; picture that says it all.

03 November, 2013

Every Human has Been Punished for Being a Human

Just another one of my artworks.
I've always wondered why am I living, what's the purpose of having me here on Earth. Sometimes I think that I have been chosen, given a chance to live when there are hundreds or perhaps millions of progeny that my mom would have given birth to, as there are a huge bunch of sperms attempting to fuse with the one and only one ovum. I'm not even sure if that's how it works, does it? Anybody?

Most of us were born with the ability to feel. If we weren't born with feelings, we would do anything we want regardless of the outcomes; how bad it will turn out to become. However, that also means that one that has feelings will be able to feel the pain as in due to having to take in insults, fear, humiliation and other unpleasant feelings.

So, is it still necessary to be able to feel? Is feeling pain a form of sacrifice, in return for the ability to feel? If that's the case why is everybody in this world constantly hurting each other if they know nobody wants to feel the pain? Why wouldn't anyone avoid doing it?

Because everyone thought hurting the others make them better in terms of pride, and everybody practically thinks that doing it will boost their confidence towards themselves, or at least feel a little better about themselves. Who wouldn't want to be on top? Or perhaps, on top of everyone? Humans are selfish in their own ways, but we could have avoided ourselves from being a little too selfish.

In the end, we are all culprits in everything that we have taken part in. We accuse the others for hurting the others, yet we are wrong in accusing, calling names and cursing the supposedly "bad guys" in these situations. Hatred and jealousy cloud our judgement, but people don't seem to realise that.

People that believe in religion, if they happen to be too religious, they would kill anyone that insulted theirs. How is it necessary? Does God even exist? If He does, is it necessary, once again, to seek for His guidance, when you were clearly born with a brain to differentiate between good and evil, and the ability to reason? Why would you rely on God, whose existence cannot be confirmed by the others (as the believers claim that they do feel God's presence), when you can rely on yourself? Why seek for His forgiveness, when you could have easily prevented yourself from committing sins, and even they are unavoidable, why take God for granted, beg for his forgiveness and continue to make the same mistake?

Is being alive and having the chance to do things in it a test, to see if we are to create mistakes that would normally be made by humans? Or is this a form of punishment, as we are prone to get disease and having the tendency to hurt other people? Were we really born to learn to be individualistic (having our own bedroom and at times shut ourselves from everybody cuz we need some space), selfish (even though we are all humans, we were apparently not educated in such a way that we should not only care for our families and lovers but to care for strangers too) and hurt the others?

And we all thought we are walking to the correct path in our lives, but are we?

01 November, 2013

Lose Myself

When my muscles and brain stop me from actually doing it, they still couldn't stop my mind from thinking of ways to get back at her.

I never hate and have grudge against anyone; even the other side of myself is telling me to leave this matter in peace and never come looking for it again. I don't look for trouble for myself because I already have so much to deal with, yet I couldn't prevent the incident from happening and having myself be the one who carries the burden of being accused and criticised really badly. And this is all her fault.

But I guess I will never be someone like her. I don't want to be like her. For being such a religious fanatic herself, she wouldn't control her own temptation of harming the others when it's against people's rights. I always wonder whether she figured it out after all, that she has always caused discomfort and pain. If I didn't tell her the mistakes she has committed all this time, she will never know and will not make any progress in life. But if I were to tell her, she will get mad I think.

31 October, 2013

The Last Day./?

Everyone thinks he's a hero when he's not. Everyone likes him when some don't. When nobody questions about his plan for all of them, that's because they think he is the only one who could help them with a problem that shouldn't be a problem. When everybody agrees with you on something, it doesn't make that something a right thing to be done. It can only mean that there are people that actually see things eye-to-eye with you. They may be fooled by such forms of unity, and so are you because of your selfishness.
I never really liked Taylor Swift's songs from the moment Love Song was made to be heard on radio and TV. Then she definitely impressed my mind with Safe and Sound; and when someone I knew played I Knew You Were Trouble non-stop, I didn't pay any attention to it at first, until now.

She wrote so many songs, and I am not surprised that she never stop doing it as she seems to like it very much. I am attracted to some of her songs (the ones I have just mentioned) not due to the lyrics but the music style.

p.s. I personally think that she looked absolutely stunning in I Knew You Were Trouble. With the curled hair, white shirt and jeans, they all seem to fit her features perfectly. It's just my opinion.

29 October, 2013


I have been listening to this track for quite some time already. I hope you enjoy it the way I do.

Girl, Interrupted is simply an amazing film. In life, there will always be those times when things don't seem to be needing so much of our attention, and everybody is just taking things easy for themselves and you think you should do the same too. But below that serene surface was where the intensity actually increased a whole lot more, and nothing seems to be working out the way people wanted. I personally think that this film speaks out this truth; when people in general are seemingly incapable of dealing with problems they face throughout their lives, and they would rather slack and let the others suffer, due to their inability to reach out to those that needed help because they themselves are always scared of trying out something new, or at least trying to step out of their comfort zones for those that are literally screaming for help from the inside.

Watching A Fall from Grace/Last Hours in Suburbia, on the other hand, truly got me emotional. I was so attentive, catching up on what has been going on inside the movie non-stop and all I could feel was a mixture of anger, hopelessness and sadness; angry, as though I could feel Grace's pain and her anger towards her best friend, Jennifer; hopelessness, as I was unable to help Grace relieve her burden, and ultimately saddened by how her life turned out to be. And if there's anyone that reminded me of Grace, it'll be Hannah Baker from Thirteen Reasons Why. Both of them have made a huge impact on other people's lives, and people would think that they are basically just some troubled youths that needed help and attention. Looking at them, listening to stories of their lives, parents and adults would tell the youngsters things like "See, this is what happens if you don't listen to adults!"

But are the adults and parents right about saying this? Who are we to judge people based on how their lives turned out to be, and based on the decisions they have made? I'll leave these for you to think about during your spare time.

22 October, 2013

Facts (edited)

1) Everyone generalises, accuses the others of something but hey, everyone does that. Who didn't?

2) Feminists exist due to the presence of anti-feminists. So basically, both sides are protective and defensive bunches.

3) Females are subjected to the acts of misogyny as well, so it kinda contradicts things.

4) Humans wear clothes because they aren't prepared to be "exposed". Ergo, every human is ashamed of at least something - being naked. No animals wear clothes, it's just humans. So stop bringing people down for what they're afraid of.

5) Every human is selfish, man or woman. Women for the men, and men for the money and fame.

6) It makes you wonder why people don't have sex in public nor in their clothes. Nope, they always do it in private, stripping off each others' clothes and release the monstrosity within them; unless they totally lost it or think they shouldn't.

7) When you're referring people as "man", "woman" or "kid", you're basically providing a reference to who they basically are, that is you're giving them names. What's the difference between that and calling someone "bitch" or something unpleasant? It's that people are generally name callers. There are no exceptions.

8) Some girls claim that they find the opposite sexes make better friends, which may sound quite contradicting.

9) Nobody's criticisms count unless you make them count.

18 October, 2013


"I couldn't resist the temptation of mocking humans. I tried my best to not linger into their world, which is full of hatred because it's bad for health. Instead, I have always consoled them, mending the broken hearts and advise the hot-headed. All I can say is that I have done what I could do, and very few of them who are reasonable would listen, but the stubborn ones will always think they are right in what they do - committing themselves into the deeds of hatred yet being so defensive if they were told not to do that.
I wonder whether I am stupid to think that there is hope for humanity, that everything bad that happened to this planet will soon be acknowledged seriously by everyone in this planet; will they stop these things from happening, or will they continue to tear this place apart like how their predecessors did? Imagine how one single person could not contribute to this planet but to cause the planet to contribute to him or her well being as he or she continues to consume, defecate, urinate, and violate inside this planet, how is Earth going to bear the burden of making billions of people's lives comfortable? Indeed, humans are nothing but parasites, and Earth is the host of this parasitism. But then, humans are not ashamed of the troubles they have caused, the damages they have made.
It wouldn't be hard to try and knock some sense into them, but they are making this hard. In fact, humans always make things hard for themselves. If I wouldn't think twice about these things, then there won't be anyone in this world who would give a damn about this issue. I could have been narrow-minded just like them, and nothing will stop me from doing what the other humans do best as well - destroy. Some would be extremely protective of their own kind, clarifying that humans have contributed a lot to this world through inventions and discoveries of every aspect that needed to be focused on, but they are not quite right about that. You see, all these findings will make sense to humans only, who are like the researchers, they live and do things using the same methods or systems such as the usage of languages and writing things down. Technically, it is to be implied that they are contributing to the humane society, not the entire world as they will be the only ones who understand themselves, which may sound ironic considering humans' capability of being so intolerant and inconsiderate these days. As everyone thinks what they have to say is more important and what the others have to say, individuals who are willing to listen to what the others have to say is getting rarer as life is becoming more challenging in the years to come.
Is it necessary for me to somehow make them realise what they have done? Are they even going to listen to what I have to say? Or will they purge me from their memories as if I never existed? I don't really know. I just sincerely hope that the humanity will soon realise all these, and people will start to change."
Photo credits to dolfi.

17 October, 2013

Tomorrow's the day/Propane Nightmares

Another one of my earlier works.
It's time to move forward and work on greater things even more seriously. I shall approach every tasks handed to me in life with the best attitude and spirit. I might fail in doing what I do but I will be fine with that, because I live only for once and my main objective, which I will never forget, is to do my best in my life, to succeed in doing the things that I am responsible for. 

Rob Swire has/had that mesmerising voice which fits perfectly with this artistically-created piece of masterwork - Propane Nightmares. Over these days, I am still finding ways or clues, thinking of how in the world was the title of the song related to the song itself. Though Rob wasn't the only one who wrote the song, I am just intrigued by the idea that a badass superstar like him would choose to make songs with such beautiful yet difficult-to-be-understood lyrics. As I am neither an expert in drum and bass related works nor a skilled poet or lyrics writer, I am always fascinated by the idea of combining the two separate souls into something meaningful and much more unforgettable, and most of the time I would immerse myself into the works of Pendulum. I may have misunderstood Pendulum's purpose of releasing the song as a single, but they shouldn't be too troubled by that as their songs, especially Propane Nightmares, have brought joy into my life and encouraged me to bring changes to my life. So thank you Pendulum, from your loyal fan who always wishes that Pendulum will some day recruit again to make more music.

14 October, 2013

Children are Innocent

People in general would usually speak of protecting elder people's rights if they were to discuss topics regarding ageism; how elder people were constantly neglected or behaviorally abused. If you are to talk to me about ageism like this, I will assume that you know nothing about ageism, or discrimination against people based on "their age".

The age of a person, which takes the number of years he lives in this world into account, is different for different people, and which the difference is more significant if we are to compare between two persons especially one that is much older and one that is younger. The difference is significant as the eras in which the two persons were born in weren't the same, eras which consist of different sources of inspiration and fun which will obviously influence the two very different people and affect their mindsets. For example, one who used to live in poverty or when technology did not mean much in this world could hardly get along or see eye to eye with another who was born in the era which iPhone or other electronic devices are becoming increasingly popular. People that were born in the past eras tend to state that they play with wooden horses or just dolls during their children, and they tend to become disapproved of the children these days as they are given iPhones or tablets to play with.

The habit of judging other people of their behaviour by calling them "12 year olds" or "little kids" makes no sense whatsoever. By doing so, one is involving the actual 12 year olds and little kids into that matter, and by saying these things, the onlookers and listeners of the criticisms will be affected as they tend to generalise that 12 year olds and little kids will always behave unpleasantly just like the way they were described as, and since then it will never be easy for anyone to tell you otherwise. The truth is, the person that accused other people for being 12 year olds or little kids is the true culprit. It is funny how in actual fact, the person that accuses IS the one who is behaving immaturely, even compared to the so-called "12 year olds" or "little kids", who are apparently innocent.

They said children nowadays are harder to be taught and tamed, or something like that. The fact is that, this is never true, considering how children nowadays are obviously born in eras which are different from the ones who disapproved of children born in this era. This is an important factor, as the two groups(the accuser and the children born in this era) do not share the same childhood memories which consist of different things that make each other happy. If there is anyone to blame, the accuser should blame themselves for accusing instead of advising. Just because one thinks the latter is who he/she claimed them to be, it doesn't make one's accusations factual. So why not advice them instead, like a friend? The world will become a better place if people are tolerant, considerate and helpful, don't you all agree? Why create unnecessary pain, when one can create happiness? Why hate, when one can love? Children are naive beings and are constantly mentally influenced by the adults who they rely on to provide them with clarity, answers and attention. Parents are responsible for inspiring their children, and so is the society.

12 October, 2013


A screenshot taken by me, of Eminem in I'm Not Afraid. I always love his artistic works, and his guts is definitely something admirable.

In life, we would and will still always work so hard for what we don't actually really want, yet fear and irrationality that we possess in ourselves drive us to do it. They say you need a proper education and at least the academic requirement to do what we want, which is not true but people keep believing in that and that makes it seem real and logical. Some of us wasted so much of our life times doing that, tortured ourselves in doing what we don't like. Usually nobody would advice you to do what's good for you, because it's either they are too self-absorbed(literally) or they didn't realise you're actually doing something when you can spend your time on something greater for you instead at that current time. If you were to blame them for not telling you and guiding you, well why not ask yourself if you will listen to them if they were to tell you and advice you? And why didn't you realise that it doesn't suit you when you are doing it? You are independent. You don't need no one to show you the right path for you. You should rely on yourself instead. You should believe in yourself.

05 October, 2013


Maybe I have put too much pressure on myself.

(Because I deserved the torture.)

Or not.

23 September, 2013

Diving into the World of Philosophy

"They say that people despise those who think similarly to them, or who are in similar circumstances. But humans are curious in that they can hide any outward appearance of goodwill or hatred. Though they are two-faced deep down, they can make that idea seem unthinkable. You may despise someone much like you, but you may in your heart have affection for them. The improbable is not impossible."
 - The Crooked Man, the video game.

I have been wondering why am I so interested in something nobody around me is interested in, and before this I didn't even know what's it called. But now I know; it's philosophy.

I have developed a unique passion in arguing and proposing my own reasons for everything that exists or happened. I love to hear ideas that were never been suggested in life. But the main reason to why I started liking and loving philosophy is because I love to think about things, as basically that's how philosophy roll.

Hopefully I can proceed in philosophical studies in the future; I wish by then that everyone will understand why is it unnecessary to hate and get angry over things.

08 September, 2013

Lady Gaga Lives for the Applause

It's been quite a while since the "Queen of Pop", Lady Gaga herself released any music. So recently she has done it again, but this time it's something really unique and different from her previous soundtracks.

Applause is truly a catchy, modern yet uncommon piece of art that literally makes me feel lively. It drives me into using my energy for a more positive and better purpose, making me become more productive.

But the most fascinating thing that I've found or realised about the music is that it seems to be a strong reminiscent of Lady Gaga's previous singles, e.g. Bad Romance and Alejandro. I was under the impression that she was honoured and touched by the support and love that she received from her adoring fans for what she had made in the past, i.e. her popular singles and hence she claimed that she "lives for the applause", which is why there were elements in the music video that were included as she thought they would inspire or making her feel inspired and prioritised. (I know this isn't exactly 100% accurate when compared to what her true intention were, but I am just so impressed as the music video is capable of being a good reminder of Lady Gaga's past works.)
 Lady Gaga in the two pictures above reminded me of her before she got famous with The Fame.

 These two pictures of Gaga reminded me of her singles from The Fame Monster; Bad Romance (the cage and the cauldron-like container) and Telephone (the blonde hairstyle/wig)

The black-and-white ambience and Lady Gaga's blonde and short hair reminded me of Alejandro.

All the pictures above are screenshots that I have taken.

04 September, 2013

Don't Judge Anybody

A photo taken by me last Sunday.
I wasn't born to be just like you.
I don't run as fast as the cheetahs. I don't live in water like the fish. I am not as small as the ants.
Yes, I am ME. The original me. I was born to be me, ME. I was not born to be you, to be her, to be as smart as Einstein. Do you see where this is going? I'm just saying that I was born to have abilities and potentials that are different from yours. Like anybody else in this world, I was born with disabilities as well. So why on Earth, is everybody, almost everyone, so used to condemn one another? The funny thing is, they don't do it in front of your face if you were the one that is being condemned. Why? Everybody is scared. We are all cowards. We tend to seek the pleasure of doing bad things, but we don't want to be punished for it. Two, we did it without consenting the victims of violence because we wouldn't give them one single damn chance to clarify themselves, or to prove that we are wrong. How do we get to be so selfish?
Blame the ancestors, some said. Or this high-tech era of globalisation, others would say. Really? You're gonna put the blame on these things? Why point fingers, when you can solve these problems like a real man? Why can't you take the blame, the way the victims of your deeds took the pressure of being one even though they don't deserve it? Stop running away, stop being such a chicken. Face your life, because it's now or never.
So next time, before you are so tempted to judge someone, just be prepared to face the consequences (karma, vengeance etc.) instead of being such cowards.

31 August, 2013

That's what she said.

One of my artworks.
"We're bound to be different from one another, and we're bound to be special in various ways. I used to be extremely conscious and paranoid about how people would react towards what I did or how I behaved. That was the past. I guess I've grown up since then. The past has taught me so many good lessons that people wouldn't tell you how to deal with. I don't blame them either, because they are just THAT self-absorbed, selfish and hopeless. Nobody will look out for you. You are the only one who can rely on yourself. But that doesn't mean you have to be mean towards them.

I can always picture how we humans have always been insecure and frightful since we were born to this world. If people happen to treat you badly, just remember that they have always been used to look after themselves, which means they would care less about how you will deal with the situations. That's cool bro. You shouldn't be too upset about it. Maybe a little.
Love everyone, no matter how bad they treat you, now or before. If you have a better insight later in your life, you'll understand why. Standards of behaviour needs to be improved throughout a person's life. The more you live your everyday life to the fullest, the greater your life is going to turn out, sooner or later. Because we are continuously learning and understanding things day by day, and eventually we are getting better at dealing with dilemmas and issues. That's how we roll. That's why we shouldn't rush things."

27 August, 2013

Love for the Sake of Being Loved

Deep down inside my heart, I knew that I need love just like everyone. As I have witnessed people's love life, they always have to give something away in order to have the love they wanted so badly; the opportunity to pursue their courier and their freedom. These made them become even more demanding towards the relationship they're currently in, not willing to give away anything anymore because they just gave up a lot of things for love.

We hurt to get back the things we love, we get jealous when we didn't experience what we have 'mentally' expected, because we're not ready to accept the fact that things can happen in hundreds or thousands of ways. We stopped working together because we didn't actually learn to love, but we have learnt to hate. It's not logical, but somehow that's how things work now, basically.

So I wondered, if there's anyone out there who is willing to love unconditionally and sincerely from the bottom of their heart, trying to change people's mindset. Are there such people?

02 August, 2013

Thoughts Evolved

What you do affects the others. If that something you do happens to be bad, who knows, your deeds might cause the person to commit suicide. That makes you a killer. And from this, it's obvious that you are not contributing to this world but be part of something that destroys this world. You are given a life, and yet you are doing these pointless things. Maybe not so pointless, considering that what you do makes you feel better. But are you really that selfish?
You said you believe in God, but a true believer does not do these things. Because deep down they know what's best for the world; that is not to cause any more harm, that is not harming any other humans, violating their rights to be who they are, who they want to be; destroying other creatures' lives, and self-harming. You are not doing it for nothing, but surely you have realised that by not doing these things are for the better good of the world.
Humans are actually capable of good and bad; but we have chosen the bad ones. Is this really necessary? In reality, everybody is scared and afraid all the time. Afraid to be judged, scared of getting harmed, all the shits we are supposed to give less fucks about. But we have taken them personally, because we are THAT self-absorbed. We only managed to look after ourselves. We make friends because we are afraid of being alone. We wear clothes because we feel embarrassed to be in our naked form. We judge because we expect it to make us feel better. And people believe in God, in actual fact, is because they hope God can provide them with senses of security for THEY themselves. As long as they're safe, they think it's perfectly normal to condemn and harm other people. But you do know that God does not permit human violation, don't you?

30 July, 2013

A Rough Week

Things are turning bad. I don't understand why are all of the bad things happening on the same day. Why am I the one getting all the bad seeds?

I'm tired of having to face all these shits. It seemed that it won't work even though I tried hard for not letting the bad things to happen. But then again, I could only blame myself, huh.

27 July, 2013

An Epic Game is an Epic Game

Aside from enjoying watching walkthroughs, I also have developed an interest in watching Let's Plays. I love watching Let's Plays for the commentaries and laughs.
Cry of Fear is quickly becoming one of my favourites after knowing it for just a month or two. It is eerie, mind blowing and it is what a horror game should made up of. The monsters and the atmosphere inside the game is horrifying and almost unimaginable, but the story made all of them almost believable; a turning head with a terrifying look and face, a tall creature and another disfigured being with chainsaws in their hands chasing after the protagonist known as Simon, and the weirdest yet most interesting thing I found in the game as I remembered, was the twisted bloody pathways that supposedly had defied gravity laws, taunting the players to their deaths as they are challenged to take every steps of moving forward with a huge amount of precaution so as to not fall into endless depths of darkness. Surrounding the bloody curvy pathways were people being imprisoned behind iron bars and cages, inflicting themselves to a grotesque standard.
I find the fact that the whole game was just merely a figment of the protagonist's imagination hard to believe, as it was just a story written by the protagonist during his recuperation from his sickness. I used to assume that the game was old, but when I actually made some research I was informed that it was a game from 2012. Odd, based on what I have seen and watched in the game as being old, and everything seemed to be operated manually like how they were used to be operated decades ago.
You see, the most probable reason to why I enjoy watching people playing horror games is due to the promisingly unusual experience that even I as a spectator can experience from the game itself. The solitary yet panicky sensation that I thought I could experience, assuming that's how the protagonist will feel when he or she is inside the game is always astoundingly new to me, which enables me to view things in a brand new perspective. Horror games are eye-openers for people who plays them or watches them being played. Moreover, we get the chance to dominate the threshold that has always prevented us from doing things that threatens their existence as thresholds. Having no imagination as a human being, we are learning from the values and concepts in horror games through experiences such as playing and watching them. From that, we are able to extend the limit that we initially and subconsciously set up in our minds so to not imagine further from the limit as they are not "socially acceptable in any way".

21 July, 2013


My recent artwork.
To have the opportunity to love someone is truly a gift which I have not experienced yet. Love is manipulating and powerful- it can affect people. Most importantly, it can affect our decisions. I am not an expert in relationships. But I am willing to be in one. I want to truly understand how it feels like to be in one. I want to be able to love somebody before I die. I want to have the opportunity to say "I love you" to that special someone, and to hold him/her so endearingly sweet that he/she feels like as if he/she is the luckiest person in the world. I want to be able to do things together with who I love, and we can actually enjoy doing things together. I want him/her to share his/her worries with me when he/she is sad, telling me how happy he/she was when he/she experienced something good in his/her life. I want to be able to make him/her feel being loved by someone, by me. And all I want, is that he/she is happy to be with me.

19 July, 2013


Okay. Here's my last thought that I want to share with you before I go to bed: Why were people angry when we happened to have done something wrong? I'm not sure whether I am the first to think like this, it could be a rarely suggested idea, but somehow I think it makes a great deal of sense in this matter. So this is what happens: we all make mistakes, and we live to take actions and be productive. Making mistakes is inevitable throughout our lives. One can not possibly live without making mistakes OR committing oneself into an action or a purpose. In a counter-intuitive but very true & real dilemma/situation that exists in our lives, is that humans tend to overreact towards things. Sure we make mistakes, but has anyone ever asked whether we are doing it on purpose? The most peculiar thing about us humans is that we tend to take these things personally; that is, when people actually made a mistake, big or small, we tend to react towards it even when we are not "required" to react. Reacting towards people's actions seemed like an acceptable and normal thing to do, but were they necessary? To react towards a mistake or action is pointless, troublesome, but it seems to be an action that everyone does without thinking about it thoroughly. When someone was "mean" to us, regardless whether they did it on purpose or not, we can usually listen to people around us saying "just ignore him/her," and sometimes they would add a few more words like "he/she's stupid. He/She didn't know what he/she was doing" or "how can he/she be so cruel to you." Those are some suggestions given to us that made a few things clear: one, is that we humans are all insecure. I've been talking about this for a couple or countless times in this blog because I want to stress on this matter, and because I feel that it was not properly discussed by anyone around me, or even the whole world. Nobody will talk about it, because deep down in everybody's hearts and souls, they are just as helpless as a newborn; terrified and feeling alone. When you think about those words, they have clearly suggested that the person who suggested those thoughts (e.g. "he/she's stupid. He/She didn't know what he/she was doing") was as clueless as you are about the situation. Think about it. Who is he or her to judge the dilemma within the situation? They are not the subject or the person being acted on, so how would they know whether the situation is pleasant or the other way round? All I can say is this:
Trust no one with handling your problems. You are the only person who can deal with your own problems. Be smart in thinking, do not rush things. Even if the situation is bad, you have to understand that people DO NOT do things to make us angry. They would not be that free to create problems when they have other things to worry about. In fact, we are the ones who made ourselves feel the anger.
However, that is not the only theory that can be applied to every situation. So here's this:
Even if people did things on purpose to piss us off, bear in mind that they are just as stressed out as you are currently feeling all the tension and burden of the situation. All you can do is to forgive them because they are humans as well, which means they have feelings, emotions and their own ways to deal with problems, that is by acting on other people in the hopes of making the victims feel the same way they felt. Like I said, this is like transmitting a disease from one person to another.

In these situations, we oftentimes made ourselves aware of the behaviours or reactions of the "onlookers" or "passer-by" and just admit it, we are paranoid and sensitive towards what they have to say or feel towards the situation as we will be judged very cruelly and without pity. This is very true in perhaps every situation happening around the world, around all of us. But aren't you interested in knowing why would the "onlookers" behave in such manners? The only reason I can come up with is that people are actually subconsciously self-absorbed and have less pity on the well-being of others. As humans, we tend to be selfish and only look after ourselves and we always expect things to be carried out in the way we want them to happen. The problem is that we  think we are alone in terms of thinking about things; if everyone is aware of the fact that everyone around them are just as insecure and terrified as they are, they wouldn't do things to hurt the others if they still have empathy and the sense of sympathising. Sadly, this is not what we usually can see in the society. In this cruel reality, we can only see how people encourage things to be made worse for the others because we want to excel, we want to be the superior individual that becomes dominant in the society we live in. We could care less about other people just for that, which is selfish, but unnecessary. We could have become dominant together. But we wouldn't want that. Because we are insecure and paranoid, and we fear that we will be dominated some day if we happen to unite in the first place.
This is a cruel reality we live in, but I believe it can be changed. I hope everyone changes, in terms of mindset. I will look forward to that day, when everything changes from bad to good.

Now, for desserts, I am treating you to listen to a new song that I love. It's called Killbot, by Devin Martin. Enjoy~

18 July, 2013


I wish I could just blame everything on fate, for what it has done to me in the past. As if it is even an object which can bear the burden of being blamed.
I worked so fucking hard, got so fucking tired of things not working out for me, and the reality that lies on the grades that I get for my exam didn't seem to be fair on that. Why is it that I have to be the one? Am I really paranoid, or am I just not trying hard enough in other people's eyes? Why is it that her grades are better than mine? Am I asking this because I am misogynistic and having the urge to condemn other females, just the way everyone will do?
I personally think that I should have never trusted anyone. I am feeling very insecure, which is what makes me become committed to put the blame on the others for what I am not good at, or it's just that my intentions on the education was not an appropriate way of dealing with it. Truth be told, everyone is insecure. They just don't want to tell anyone about it, ergo the only way to deal with the problem is by passing the sense of insecurity in the form of feelings and emotions (such as hatred and anger) to another person, ultimately transmitting the message full of unnecessary emotions from one person to another like some disease.
Perhaps it's because I am tired. I should get some rest soon. And when I am awake, I shall deal with things with a more prepared mind.

15 July, 2013

Behind Our Behaviours

A picture of the sky, brought to you by me.
Recently, I just realised that people are different from who I think they are. In the past, I was always so humble and have no confidence at all because I think they are better and I am the worst. Now, I am always under the impression that people are literally self-absorbed and selfish. My problem was not because I am the worst; I was never the worst, but it was because I made myself to think in such a way.

What has the story of the Little Prince said about humans is almost very true. We do not know what we are doing even when we're doing it, and oftentimes when we are heading for our "goal", we didn't have the ideal and adequate mental ability and capability to do so. Our mind is not prepared, even if we have fed ourselves with positivity, but sometimes we are over-confident to a point that we could not accept what people have to say about what we're doing.

In other times, we are the ones who are being neglected. We are free, but we have led ourselves through the improper pathway. We did not let ourselves try hard enough for ourselves, and we wouldn't allow/let/want anyone to help us although in the end we blame them for the outcomes of our actions that affect our lives. We will not give ourselves a chance to do things right, let alone listening to what people have to say. People are discouraging if we let them, and we are also to be blamed because our attitudes have influenced their actions. Blame no one, but yourself.

13 July, 2013


Sincerely, brought to you by me.
Life is what we have always taken for granted, and fear is what we will never admit having. We are so scared of being judged, yet we are the ones who committed those deeds countless times. We are a group of vulnerable species who made ourselves vulnerable: that is, we overreact towards everything. From people's attitude, to little accidents that can literally ruin us.
Before one of my classmate told me stories about Adam and Eve, I was already curious about humans, about us. One of the questions I asked myself is: Why do humans wear clothes? Why don't bother being naked in public? I answered myself, saying that we wear clothes so that our 'private' parts will not be seen, which has clearly implied that we can never risk the chance of becoming exposed to other people who are also the same. So shouldn't we be grateful for having the chance to wear clothes instead of being naked and exposed, which was not what we are brave enough to do? So why are people taking things for granted? Why are we constantly hurting each other, humiliating other people who just want to be themselves? Why do we keep on criticising people, girls judging girls more often and boys being jerks? I know this doesn't apply to all girls and boys but, why are these things still happening, when as humans, we are supposed to not stick together solely for survival, but to make each others' days better?
We are the jerks who abused everything we touch and everything we have. We may give a valid reason for our doings but just to be frank to ourselves, we did do things for ourselves, and only for ourselves. One has stabbed the others for their own benefits in terms of money or survival or whatever he/she desired at that moment, and that's because we are doing it for ourselves. One has helped the needy from problems in life, and it's because he/she 'wants the person to feel better'. But the truth is, we just couldn't stand watching people suffer instead of themselves, so in order to compensate for our feelings and the guilt, he/she will help the others because of their personal emotions and feelings towards the situation.
In the end, we do everything for ourselves. Is that selfish? Or just for our survival? I am not the one to decide on this, I know. But these things keep on making me want to give them answers.

07 July, 2013

Compilation of Important Subjects

Picture of a woman named Tess, who was the protagonist's, Joel's girlfriend in The Last of Us. Picture from PlayStation.blog. I was rather upset to realise how she was like at first, but my respect for her grows bigger and bigger in time, and it was deeply troublesome to accept the fact that she died. She's a true fighter, brave and tough; probably my favourite female fictional character.
After watching a YouTuber playing The Last of Us, I could almost fall in love with the game. Since the time set for the zombie apocalypse in the game itself was apparently in the same era and actually really close to where we are now, it leads me to being able to relate the dilemma faced by the world during the two specific times. But I have one criticism about the game though, and it's that when Ellie was held as hostage by David and his crew, things just seem really weird to me. But maybe it was because I watched the plot first instead of watching that part of the game, which have always made me feel more expectant and demanding.

It's a Boy Girl Thing was definitely a reminiscent of Freaky Friday, basically due to the same concept. I laughed my head off from the beginning till the end, and it helped me to look at things in different ways such as the relationship of any kind can exist between a girl and a boy. This movie got me thinking more seriously about the ideas I have or had and the benefits of expanding them.
I also watched The Nanny Diaries. I do appreciate the way the movie express its idea, and how it helped me to look at things in a different matter. I was referring to the X family, which is one family that makes me feel sad to watch them. I've always wondered why would people, even adults, do such things to themselves and to those who are important to them? This movie made it clear to me, that we as human beings can always make the wrong decisions and mistakes at any time. And the only reason why we continue doing them is because we never really think about it, how it can affect the future. We are born of flesh and bone, and with the ability to think about anything. What we don't have, or what most of us don't have, is the will or sense of purpose in our lives. It's a fact that we are not prepared to become one of the living things in this world, we are really afraid. We are usually not born with a life that we want, hence we fall because we couldn't live up to pace.

03 July, 2013

Spoke Too Soon

And here I am, feeling so angry and tired from going through all these emotional situations.

I always spoke too soon, without thinking or at least be paranoid and start building up barriers around me from the upcoming incidents that are bound to happen on me.

I'm tired. I need to rest. But I couldn't.

Because nobody can make me smart except for me;

Reading all these Biology craps that may not even be true, except maybe viewing them from a theoretical aspect.

Why do I bother. What makes me do that?

Because in the end, I will lose everything;

Forgetting the things I've learnt in this life, forgetting all types of relationship I had with different people in this life. Forgetting that I care a lot about all this, I guess it's a good thing that I will forget when I die. And when I live my next life (if there's going to be one), I won't do the same thing; worrying about things that people think are stupid and unnecessary.

I want to give up.

I don't want to care, I don't want to know.
I just want to live my life without all these burdens that I have to carry around with me wherever I go around the place.
It feels so unfair that I am the only person that cares this much;
It's an extremely lonely experience and too sophisticated to be understood clearly, with its own intention of confusing us, the victims.

More clouds, brought to you by me.

Heart's Desire: My Favourite Dead Space 3 Background Music

I'm getting so lucky within this one day. First I got the chance to find a synthpop music that I enjoy listening, now I just found my favourite track from Dead Space 3. This is so awesome, it's turning out to be one really good day for me, and hoping that I'm not speaking this too soon, just in time for a tragedy to come and ruin my day *inserts paranoia*.
I can't say that I watched any old sci-fi movies or shows before, just because I can't or don't remember. But this song somehow turned out to be a reminiscent of those stuffs, as if I heard it somewhere before I listen to this. You can listen to this whenever Isaac Clarke is floating around space, such as during the travel towards SK-1P or looking for useable parts with Rosen.

Amnesia Custom Story- It's Hurting My Eyes- The Song in the Intro (I GOT IT!)

I just found this really awesome song. I love it ever since I heard it for the first time in Amnesia's custom story- It's Hurting My Eyes. It was a really nice game intro, no words can describe the epic-ness of it. I was searching for the song from Google to YouTube to YouTubers' comments below the video. Thankfully I found it and I really want to say thanks to the YouTuber who posted the comment that has the answer. If I'm not mistaken, this is a synthpop song. And did I mention that I love synthpop music?
By the way, this is the first song feature in It's Hurting My Eyes. Once again, thank you so much YouTuber!
Someone Who Was Saved From A Lot Of Trouble
Because of You.

02 July, 2013

Stop Hating, Start Loving

A sketch of two girls by me.
I've seen enough of hatred being passed around like an infection around the world to not notice it. Even little things like people ignoring strangers who apparently needed their help or children being neglected by parents in the public make me angry, all the time. And the worst part about hate, is that people seem to fail to differentiate between what's good or bad for them. I have a good English teacher who is currently the senior assistant of academics for our course we're taking, but people seem to take his words as something laughable and unimportant. Why would you hate people just because they care more about what they need to do than the others, such as you for instance? Why are people making fun of people just because they are being responsible and dedicated to their job? Why won't you stop creating hate around this place? There's not enough kindness and sympathy to go around and now you're just here being a troublemaker? Unfortunately, that's what we humans do actually.
Before I was less knowledgeable about these things, I was really humble and paranoid. I feel that I can never be compared to other people around me, as if I was born to be less capable and I can never deserve the best. It was dumb, real dumb. But people could've helped me getting out of that wall that I enclosed around me, feeling all so insecure and helpless. But nobody did. I blamed them. I accused them for being ignorant and selfish. Now I am just glad that I started to prevent myself from thinking that way; because it is an actual fact that everybody, and I mean everybody, is scared. Everybody is afraid that they themselves will get hurt, and kudos to those who never failed or stopped to help the others because that is what we should be impressed about instead of being impressed by someone's wealth or beauty or someone's excellent grades in exams. Those are just the minor distractions that are what happened to be something we care more about. I used to be like that, though; but now I have looked forward in the hopes of noticing changes or new discoveries in people. I want to tell myself that I am not the only one who can see things in these ways but I will meet someone that does the same.
I could have stopped caring and be like "nobody assisted me in doing these things, thinking the other way about things and lead me out of the prison that I brought myself in. So from now on, I will not care for them too. I will make their lives miserable or even better, let them feel how I felt." I could've chosen to be THAT selfish but I guess there's no point in doing that. I believe that when I care about things, I can improve my mental and inner strength, and I can do all sorts of good things to make this world a better place for everyone. I don't want to be someone who is the same like everyone else and be stereotypical about it. I want to ponder on things the other way, to think about it for myself and try my best to be fair. I don't want to give up on everything. I don't want to make the same mistake that everybody or most people did. I want to live my life my way, which is extremely dependent on the choices I made for myself. I don't want to spread hate; I want to spread love around. And even if people are being bad towards me, I believe in myself that I will not lose hope and commit myself in doing the wrong things that I already knew was bad. Even if they hate me for being who I want to be, I want to let them know that they can do the same to themselves.

30 June, 2013

All Forms of Struggle

A photographic film of beautiful faces.
 "Oh no, not again..."

I work so hard for my future and for myself. I don't want to give up, but then again, problems are becoming distractions, and they won't stop coming into my life and get on my nerves. I must persevere, I must not stop fighting, I must be mentally and physically prepared; so I guess I need to be okay with having these distractions intruding my life, as a way to learn things and improve myself to the max.

The first problem of the day, is infatuation. Yes, it's been a year since I talked about me being infatuated with some guy that is older than me. This time it was different; I am beginning to like this guy who was a year younger than me. Every single girl wants to be protected by someone, that gives them the sense of security they want. The problem is they didn't even realise that, and in most cases they chose to deny it and constantly thought that other "bitches" are doing it themselves and begin to judge those people. That is the reason that I think that makes people believe that females need to be judged of their actions, but not for males. - it seemed pretty acceptable to criticise women of their behaviour, but in the end, it's just a dumb stereotype that prevents us from uniting together.

I do want to be protected, but I'll admit that I want to be in a relationship with someone. But I wasn't gonna, or at least I was not prepared to go around and search for love. Besides, I don't want to, even though the other side of me tells me to do it. I keep hearing my friends and classmates talking about how they will get married in the future, have kids and form family and all that. And whenever they talk about that, I wonder whether they really think about it because it's just some pointless sayings, or it's just that I am a strange person, and that's only because I have started to doubt that will make me happy, or even complete my life. Anyway, this guy just makes me want to break my own principle of being single in the future. I cannot forget how cute he is, how good he is, and how he smiled at me this morning.

"Admit it. We are all scaredy cats."

People couldn't be more stereotypical than who they are now- stereotypical. For living in this town for the most of the time in my life, it's safe to draw a conclusion that people have changed. Couldn't be more arrogant than who they are now.

I hate this. Why are we doing this to ourselves? We are all equal. But why are people pushing each other around? Is it necessary to do that? I don't know how do people behave in the past but, if they are to continue doing this now, then this world has no chance of becoming any better.

I don't want to be the same. I don't want to get revenge on people for what they did to me. It's not what I'm supposed to do. Life is too short to give a few shits about wanting to pay back for what people have done to you. Revenge is a drug. Hate is such a powerful emotion that has the potential of ruining this world, destroying hope and opportunities. It makes us become addicted to hurt, but for the wrong reason. But here we are, destroying each other and eventually destroying the ecosystem.

27 June, 2013

Tegan and Sara are the best!

So I did not post anything for the past 6 days, partly because I was SO busy with school work and studies. Ha, and you should know that is part of the reason I mention here first as a 'protection' and a way to defend myself in case people accuse me for being something else. The truth is, I DID study, do my schoolwork and I worked really really hard for getting education. But I also happen to be getting really addicted to watching YouTube and fooling around the Internet, because deep down in my heart I know I'm still not aware of the importance of not wasting my youth and strive to achieve the best.
Haha, enough about my story! This post is actually meant for showing appreciation towards Tegan and Sara, the cool and strong duo that made my days, turning my life downside up to a really good way. Seriously, as in not lying; I never felt so close to a certain taste of music genre in my life, but perhaps this is a false statement because I've always been bad at comparing and differentiating between my past interests and the current ones. I remember I was a hardcore fan of Linkin Park exactly 4 years ago, then my daily addiction of listening to their songs eventually died out as if I lost something but I never cared about it. Listening to rock and metal music was a good hobby, but I needed to move on and forget the joy it had brought to me.
I am really happy that I found them. The first song that I've heard which was made by them is Closer, from then on I started to really like their songs. Body Work is one of my favourites by them, by far. Somehow their music has been really appealing to me. Everything about their songs are just perfect and really special in my eyes and heart and I would listen to them when everything seems the same because they are just unique in terms of appearance and musical style.

Listening to their songs make me feel new and refreshed, and basically it's because of their music that makes me feel lively again after a what felt like a really long time. That's what I need occasionally in my life because everything seems dull and repeated. Therefore I recommend their songs to everyone, especially to those who wished to find something new in music. That's all from me and thanks for reading!

20 June, 2013

A Collection of Findings

I know this blog is supposed to be about me sharing what I curate and love, and it has been quite some time since I start to not share stuffs here. So in this blog, I will be sharing some good songs that I've been addicted to for a while; a month, or a year.
I used to be a rock metal fan, but that interest kinda died and was long gone before I eventually found this song. And technically I first heard it in Dead Space 3, featured as the song played alongside the credits, and the second time being featured in Dead Space 3: Awakened as the same role in the credits. I don't usually find myself listening to rock anymore but this song changed that. I just love it. Video by oldstories89.
I was watching YouTube videos as always, and then I saw Tegan and Sara posing so elegantly in one of the videos suggested for me in the "Suggestion" section. Curious, I clicked the "Closer" music video by the duo, and since then I started to find a great interest in listening to their songs. I'm so glad that I found them. They're such perfect twins. And this song is my favourite song from the duo featuring Morgan Page.Video by MorganPageVEVO.
I heard the remade version of this song in a Dead Space "movie" trailer. I couldn't find the movie but damn, this song was so unique yet genuine. Ever since I listen to it for the first time, I have been craving for the tunes and lyrics of this classically awesome masterpiece or at least that's what I'm going to call it. Video by Phil Collins.
This is the theme song for The Witch's House. To me, this song is a reminiscent of Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle; so basically it's a great reminder of the Japanese shows and films I've watched. This song is so full of emotions and a great overall story-teller for the game itself as you listen on to it. Video by TehZoln.