To a New Environment: Where Things Start to Make Sense

 

 

To all of  you who knew who I was: this is for you.

 

I sat alone inside the carriage; a vehicle that doesn't belong in places like this, the populated suburb. I guess I didn't too; too unacceptable and an apparent nuisance. We don't know ourselves, we thought we knew; but instead we have always expected people to. We are always so afraid of approaching what we don't really know- people, who technically have different way of thinking about everything, apart from us. Because fear is just something too "shameful" to be admitted by us, by everything that lives. We didn't change because we are too afraid to do it. We are so good in hiding it in other forms of emotions; arrogance, selfishness, hatred......

 

So I did the same thing like everyone would do; I pulled the curtains to cover the window and peeked outside through a small gap that I made for myself- something that we always do. We don't want to be seen, but we are the ones who want to see; because we are scared and alone, paranoid and delusional - everything that lives is. But loneliness is the least of what we need. We seek for attention, search around for people who will give a damn about us. But we gave nothing. But we want to be part of things. And if that happens, we won't care about anything, anymore.

 

We are so near to each other, yet our minds are what distance us from one another. We don't really care about each other, anyway. All we want is for at least one companion to make us feel less lonely. We expect companionship from our friends to make us feel safe from things because basically it's one of the very few things that we care about- not being alone. We feel accepted, but we got ourselves included into something that worsens us, retards us, makes us neglect what should be important to us.

 

From that moment on, we rise to the surface of things. We became arrogant and ignorant, intolerant and out of control. We want people to think the way we think, to feel the same thing we felt. We are selfish because we have been driven mad by fear and loneliness. That is what makes us so special.

 

The photos and sketches above are taken and drawn by me.