Living Under the Shadows

It's time to stop living life based on people's expectations, for in the end, what could you be proud of to call your own when you are old? Do you not seek happiness in life after fighting through so many years of it? In this case, the end justifies the means. You wanna feel like being on top of the world when you have reached the few final days of your life; you wanna leave this world knowing you did something that you think was right for the future of this land; you want to hold your head high because life is too short to be living under the shadows of someone; be it people's expectations, people's beliefs, people's opinions of you and your life.

It's true. The world moves on without you, you are just a speck and it can all happen without you. But you do not want to leave this life of yours wasted. That's why you must fight through and live the best life out of yours, with no regrets to mourn upon in the end. Never waste your time looking at the life of others but focus on your own. Never compare. You are unique and so you must prove that you are special in your own ways.

Break Up

(of a couple) end a relationship.

A new day begins. You wake up from your awful sleep. You’re partly covered in sheets, and as you open your eyes and regain your senses, you remember that you are now single again.

You spend the rest of your day at work, doing household chores, shopping with friends or alone, or other things. Regardless of what you do, carrying out any of these things feel a bit different, as you’re single again.

Everywhere you go or look, you see him or her. Even when you’re doing something, your mind will wander off to him or her eventually. You miss the person. You wonder what they are doing or how they are doing now.

Even when you are in the company of someone, be it friends, family, or co-workers, you still think of the person. Even when your company could potentially help you to keep your mind off of the person, you wish you could just go into your room and shut yourself from the outside world just to reserve and devote some moments and time to think about him or her, even when you shouldn’t be doing that.

You wish you could be back with the person. You feel that as if your world is crumbling, and part of you is missing since the day the announcement was made. At times you just resent him or her, sometimes you think to yourself why and how did everything go wrong and things ended up like this.

You feel very lonely in this world, even when there are people around you. You feel as if no one understands you now. Your world collapses, and you make no effort to restore it, and instead you just watch it burn down to the ground and to ashes. Yet you’re still alive, but still feel lonely.

You wish you could talk to him or her, to discuss about the things between the two of you. You want to know why did it happen, you want to know if there’s any possible way of the two of you getting back together. You still couldn’t get over the break up.

That person was gone from your life. You could be covering that hole with anything right now; social life, hobbies, work and etc., but at the end of the day, you still think of the person.

When all else fails, you are alone in your room again, and you realise that you will never get the person back into your life anymore. You are now depressed and melancholic: this is one of the darkest times of your life. People might reach out to you, or they didn’t, but you think life is all over now.

Months or years have passed by, and that’s when you finally realised that life isn’t over yet. That person may be long gone, but life still goes on. You’re still alive. Now you feel as if you gotta get up on your own feet and continue to live your life.

Like they always say “Life is short”, now you gotta listen to that, don’t you? It’s not the end of the world. And now you realise that you haven’t been loving yourself as much as you should, but it’s not too late because you can still do that.

When you wake up again, you smile and think to yourself that he or she may be gone, but you and your dreams have not.

Maybe there’s no one for me in this world. Maybe I am meant to be alone. Maybe love isn’t the main objective of my life. Maybe he or she will come back to you in the future. When that happens, you will be ready.

When You Disappear

Today is the 7th of July, and it's about to be over soon.

Time flies, life goes on, things change, and you were gone.

When you disappear, you took part of me away with you. Life is like a stage, and now I don't know how to keep the show going on. It's always hard to let go, can you teach me how? I remember I always asked for your opinion, I'm practically lost now without you.

At least you leaving me gives me a reason to be back - because I have no other purpose apart from returning to my hobby of blogging.

To the Sun that is Setting/Horizon

One situation ends and another situation begins. I guess that's how you could define life in a way. They always say that life is a journey, like being in a car and driving down the road; which could be bumpy, curvy, straight, narrow and so much more. And that is true.

But in the end, all that matters is that we are happy with the outcomes of our lives. To end my degree life at university and cheer for my new adult, working life, I present to you this song by none other than Pendulum. God their songs are amazing.

This song was created in 2005, featuring TC, Will Carlton, and Fats. Isn't this song amazing?

Lunch and Dinner Dates

I always love going to dinner dates with people I love and care about. During the course of the dinner, While waiting for our food, I get to see what do they do to spend their waiting times. They could be chatting and talking about various topics, maybe about what they are currently interested in; they could be busy texting or playing games on phone; or they could be reading a book.

Lunch and dinner dates are when you get to bond closer to the people you love. There's so many things you can talk about that you get to really understand each other, even their likes and dislikes. These dates are also good opportunities for me to catch up with these people that I care about, especially after we haven't seen each other for a while. There's so many things I will be able to learn about them and about myself; these talks are also important in changing my lifestyle as I get persuaded or talked into different ways of doing things that may appeal to me.

Most important of all, as life is short, I can appreciate my time with people I love and I shall one day reminisce the good times we have had.

Lolita (1997)

Lolita... Funny that it's categorised as a literature novel, but as it's the second literature work made into movies or films that I ever came across (with the first being The Signature of All Things), it seems to me that the literature novels are capable of being more erotic than the series of Fifty Shades of Grey. My God, Lolita's too much for me, yet I can totally relate to it.

It hurts to know you're the second or the third in the eyes of someone you love; if you're to be ranked along with the other two for something. The pedophile and protagonist of this movie, Humbert, happens to be the second or third in Dolores' eyes, who was his victim and his very favourite person. Dolores was Lolita, and he gave her the name Lolita.

I didn't read the novel so I might not accurately interpret and give the best analysis about the story, but I could only interpret the story based on the movie made in 1997. Lolita got pregnant towards the end in the movie at such a young age as she constantly let her fate lie in the hands of those who are untrustworthy like Humbert - who, in his selfish ways, did not let Lolita enjoy her adolescent life and I daresay he was mostly responsible for what had happened to Lolita. But then again, if Lolita did not subject herself into a life that made her commit sins such as incest, manipulation of the minds of men and using her femininity to get what she wants, she would had been safe and rid herself from all this trouble.

I could still say that Lolita is rather unlucky to have met Humbert, as she filled a void in his life that was created ever since he was a teenager. Everyone of us has our own downfalls in life, and we all have things which could drive us from our true purposes in life. But we can never run away from our own fates; just like Humbert who was, in a way, traumatised by the death of his first love, and he had to live in the shadows of those traumatic moments in his life as his dreams were crushed. He developed into being hebephilic and he created his own fate; by having attraction towards young girls and experienced problems in his life because of that. Eventually, he had of course felt remorse for what he had done to Lolita and failed to provide her with the freedom and love that she deserves even though she's not perfect as a person; as we could at least let someone we love be happy.

I think it's a great movie which invoked many different kinds of feelings in me. The ending's too sad to bear, and I feel that even though they're not perfect for each other; Humbert truly loved Lolita, and Lolita truly loved him in her own ways. It's a beautiful movie and I recommend everyone to watch it. But be warned; the movie is not for everyone haha.

Back Again

Yeah I know, it has been quite a while since I last posted here. I think this is a perfect time to come back here.

I have been very busy; having a lot of work to do. But I am happy. And, I must say that I am lucky to still be able to do things; maybe not the things I can enjoy or like, but I feel productive at least.

I have 3 things in mind that I want to accomplish for now:

1. Be educated; and it means that I have to learn as many things as possible in my university life, quantitative and qualitatively. I must learn the necessary knowledge.

2. Look after myself. I must be calm, cool, and collected. I must be healthy and physically fit for the sake of pursuing daily errands.

3. Save money. As the saying goes, money doesn't grow on trees.

Dreams

Everyone dreams when they sleep. Dreams give us a whole new perspective in viewing things. They tend to expand our imagination to the maximum. But most importantly, dreams tell us something about ourselves. And as we sleep every night, we dream differently every night. Hence, those dreams are just like school report cards, giving us information about our daily statuses, our personal development and our current problems. This can only happen if we choose to unravel them by finding out what our dreams meant.

The photo above belongs to me.

All About Taiwan

A week or more before the last day of 2013, there came the opportunity for me to finally set my eyes upon the unique art works by fellow Taiwanese. They have that ingenious, simple yet elegant taste in art which made me respect them; not to mention the admiration I have for their restaurants set-up techniques and their way of serving food, meals and their ideas in decorating places or rooms with cheap, simple, and affordable materials, decors, and items.

Of course, these are only my opinions based on what I have seen on the Internet instead of having a vacation trip, travelling to Taiwan to truly experience the exact and precise situation of venturing or perhaps, wandering around Taiwan's souvenir shops, markets and restaurants. I have never traveled to Taiwan before, but I will, someday. After looking and enjoying so many things made and ran by the fellow Taiwanese, I hope my future trip to Taiwan is not disappointing. Fingers crossed xx

Here are some of the photos of various things and situations all around Taiwan.

Photo by Afterhours Cafe.

Photos by Ça va小日和。

Photo by CameZa +.

Photo by V + ing.

Photos by 九樓.

Photos by 旅行 x 生活的溫度.

Photo by 日安！阿哩嘎荳 生活概念空間.

Photos by 每一天的手帳日記！.

Photo by 默契咖啡.

Goodbye, past. Hello, new year.

So 2013 has just passed by without another word. Somehow, I feel sad to see it leaving and become part of the past; for it was one of those years that made my life a better place for me to fit into. Frankly, I couldn't have done it without 2013. There are so many things that I am thankful for, so many things that made me cry within the year. But in the end, I am still grateful. Even though pain never cease, 2013 let me feel whole again. Now, I can finally say "I feel that I'm becoming a better person," the sentence that I've heard coming out of people's mouth for quite some time.

So it's 2014 already. 14 is my birth day number. Is it just me, or do people that share the same birth day number as me feel that it will be a special year for us? Of course, fate can never be determined accurately, even by using the most precised manner. So I, will just have to live through the year to find out what it has in store for me.

A Christmas Story

I was surfing the Internet when I came across this short story, and I feel that it ought to be shared.

//

I've just laughed my socks off: An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

//

- story by anonymous

Addiction

Currently addicted to this drink.

I am currently addicted to a few things, such as:-
1) My laptop
2) Facebook
3) Maple Story
4) Bundaberg Root Beer
5) Starbucks
6) Bundaberg Lemon Lime & Bitters and
7) FOOD.

As much as I hate to admit this, this has got to stop. But when, and how should I accomplish this?

The Reason of Keeping a Person Alive

I can never understand how keeping a person alive matters so much to everybody, when they failed to let that person be happy. I can also never understand why married couple want to have children when they successfully failed to carry out their duties in protecting their children, who are dangerously vulnerable especially when they're young, and to nurture them with care, affection, and the principles of life. In the end, without even being cynical, the answer is pretty obvious; everybody doesn't want to be left alone, especially in the state of sadness. Everyone takes things for granted, and few could comprehend the idea of being isolated, yet everybody don't want to be alone, because they ARE afraid of being alone. It's especially hard for me to congratulate someone for having to become parents to their newborn child, and I find it unforgivable when they ever isolate their kids wherever they go.

It's All Over

This should be in his possession right now, but he didn't have it because of me.

At last, all the torments will be gone forever. The future is vast, but vague. There's so many for me to discover, so many things to understand. Now, I'm just tired.

Do my previous efforts count to secure my destiny, my fate? I won't know, will I.

友谊万岁

"... ... you've disappeared, like everything else. But who else can I talk to? ...I'm lost, Alice. When you left -- and he left -- you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest."

 - Note to Alice Cullen, from Bella Swan, Twilight Saga: New Moon

Yesterday was the last day that he and I shall ever meet in school. From now on, I'll be more alone. I never thought I'll miss school this badly, mainly it's because I'm used to be in the same class with him, and we would talk, laugh and be sad together every day at school. We are not in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship, but we are partners; we are inseparable, at least till the end of our school day at the same school.

I never missed a friend so much in my real life, I did miss a boy friend before but it wasn't as close as this one; those times we weren't even having any sort of physical contact with one another, and I didn't even meet the guy before, except in this virtual world; the Internet, in our avatar forms. But this one, is different. This is real. It is actually happening for real.

I thought of saying that I hope he'll miss me as much as I miss him, and that I mean so much to him, but I didn't want to be too greedy and expectant of him. Alas, I hope he never forgets me, who has/had been a friend of his, with whom he shared a journey with through one of the toughest moments of both of our lives.

May our friendship last forever.

The Opposite Sex || Trust Issues

#Euphoria.

I just have had a nice conversation with a guy friend of mine a couple of hours ago. What seemed to be a dull and lacklustre discussion turned out to be one of the best and unforgettable interaction with an actual friend in real life; someone that I've known for about a year, but it has been the year that bonded us closer and closer, from practically strangers to real good and sometimes awkward friends.

It has been a long time since I have actually have a long, nice chat with someone casually, or maybe I never talked to anyone like this before but I thought that I did. I thought I was actually getting socialised with people in general, and nothing will make me feel more relieved and happy than to think that I can do the same thing as others did.

Sometimes I think the two of us could share a better friendship, be a better friend for each other if we talked to each other more often, consoled one another, and laughed together whenever the situation is appropriate. I wonder if he thinks about the same thing too. And if he doesn't, it'll then be a dream that is shared with nobody, not even him, but to be kept with myself.

Every Human has Been Punished for Being a Human

Just another one of my artworks.

I've always wondered why am I living, what's the purpose of having me here on Earth. Sometimes I think that I have been chosen, given a chance to live when there are hundreds or perhaps millions of progeny that my mom would have given birth to, as there are a huge bunch of sperms attempting to fuse with the one and only one ovum. I'm not even sure if that's how it works, does it? Anybody?

Most of us were born with the ability to feel. If we weren't born with feelings, we would do anything we want regardless of the outcomes; how bad it will turn out to become. However, that also means that one that has feelings will be able to feel the pain as in due to having to take in insults, fear, humiliation and other unpleasant feelings.

So, is it still necessary to be able to feel? Is feeling pain a form of sacrifice, in return for the ability to feel? If that's the case why is everybody in this world constantly hurting each other if they know nobody wants to feel the pain? Why wouldn't anyone avoid doing it?

Because everyone thought hurting the others make them better in terms of pride, and everybody practically thinks that doing it will boost their confidence towards themselves, or at least feel a little better about themselves. Who wouldn't want to be on top? Or perhaps, on top of everyone? Humans are selfish in their own ways, but we could have avoided ourselves from being a little too selfish.

In the end, we are all culprits in everything that we have taken part in. We accuse the others for hurting the others, yet we are wrong in accusing, calling names and cursing the supposedly "bad guys" in these situations. Hatred and jealousy cloud our judgement, but people don't seem to realise that.

People that believe in religion, if they happen to be too religious, they would kill anyone that insulted theirs. How is it necessary? Does God even exist? If He does, is it necessary, once again, to seek for His guidance, when you were clearly born with a brain to differentiate between good and evil, and the ability to reason? Why would you rely on God, whose existence cannot be confirmed by the others (as the believers claim that they do feel God's presence), when you can rely on yourself? Why seek for His forgiveness, when you could have easily prevented yourself from committing sins, and even they are unavoidable, why take God for granted, beg for his forgiveness and continue to make the same mistake?

Is being alive and having the chance to do things in it a test, to see if we are to create mistakes that would normally be made by humans? Or is this a form of punishment, as we are prone to get disease and having the tendency to hurt other people? Were we really born to learn to be individualistic (having our own bedroom and at times shut ourselves from everybody cuz we need some space), selfish (even though we are all humans, we were apparently not educated in such a way that we should not only care for our families and lovers but to care for strangers too) and hurt the others?

And we all thought we are walking to the correct path in our lives, but are we?

Lose Myself

When my muscles and brain stop me from actually doing it, they still couldn't stop my mind from thinking of ways to get back at her.

I never hate and have grudge against anyone; even the other side of myself is telling me to leave this matter in peace and never come looking for it again. I don't look for trouble for myself because I already have so much to deal with, yet I couldn't prevent the incident from happening and having myself be the one who carries the burden of being accused and criticised really badly. And this is all her fault.

But I guess I will never be someone like her. I don't want to be like her. For being such a religious fanatic herself, she wouldn't control her own temptation of harming the others when it's against people's rights. I always wonder whether she figured it out after all, that she has always caused discomfort and pain. If I didn't tell her the mistakes she has committed all this time, she will never know and will not make any progress in life. But if I were to tell her, she will get mad I think.

The Last Day./?

Everyone thinks he's a hero when he's not. Everyone likes him when some don't. When nobody questions about his plan for all of them, that's because they think he is the only one who could help them with a problem that shouldn't be a problem. When everybody agrees with you on something, it doesn't make that something a right thing to be done. It can only mean that there are people that actually see things eye-to-eye with you. They may be fooled by such forms of unity, and so are you because of your selfishness.

I never really liked Taylor Swift's songs from the moment Love Song was made to be heard on radio and TV. Then she definitely impressed my mind with Safe and Sound; and when someone I knew played I Knew You Were Trouble non-stop, I didn't pay any attention to it at first, until now.

She wrote so many songs, and I am not surprised that she never stop doing it as she seems to like it very much. I am attracted to some of her songs (the ones I have just mentioned) not due to the lyrics but the music style.

p.s. I personally think that she looked absolutely stunning in I Knew You Were Trouble. With the curled hair, white shirt and jeans, they all seem to fit her features perfectly. It's just my opinion.

Tomorrow's the day/Propane Nightmares

Another one of my earlier works.

It's time to move forward and work on greater things even more seriously. I shall approach every tasks handed to me in life with the best attitude and spirit. I might fail in doing what I do but I will be fine with that, because I live only for once and my main objective, which I will never forget, is to do my best in my life, to succeed in doing the things that I am responsible for. 

Rob Swire has/had that mesmerising voice which fits perfectly with this artistically-created piece of masterwork - Propane Nightmares. Over these days, I am still finding ways or clues, thinking of how in the world was the title of the song related to the song itself. Though Rob wasn't the only one who wrote the song, I am just intrigued by the idea that a badass superstar like him would choose to make songs with such beautiful yet difficult-to-be-understood lyrics. As I am neither an expert in drum and bass related works nor a skilled poet or lyrics writer, I am always fascinated by the idea of combining the two separate souls into something meaningful and much more unforgettable, and most of the time I would immerse myself into the works of Pendulum. I may have misunderstood Pendulum's purpose of releasing the song as a single, but they shouldn't be too troubled by that as their songs, especially Propane Nightmares, have brought joy into my life and encouraged me to bring changes to my life. So thank you Pendulum, from your loyal fan who always wishes that Pendulum will some day recruit again to make more music.