I wish I could just blame everything on fate, for what it has done to me in the past. As if it is even an object which can bear the burden of being blamed.
I worked so fucking hard, got so fucking tired of things not working out for me, and the reality that lies on the grades that I get for my exam didn't seem to be fair on that. Why is it that I have to be the one? Am I really paranoid, or am I just not trying hard enough in other people's eyes? Why is it that her grades are better than mine? Am I asking this because I am misogynistic and having the urge to condemn other females, just the way everyone will do?
I personally think that I should have never trusted anyone. I am feeling very insecure, which is what makes me become committed to put the blame on the others for what I am not good at, or it's just that my intentions on the education was not an appropriate way of dealing with it. Truth be told, everyone is insecure. They just don't want to tell anyone about it, ergo the only way to deal with the problem is by passing the sense of insecurity in the form of feelings and emotions (such as hatred and anger) to another person, ultimately transmitting the message full of unnecessary emotions from one person to another like some disease.
Perhaps it's because I am tired. I should get some rest soon. And when I am awake, I shall deal with things with a more prepared mind.